Commercials. I was just recently reminded how much I detest them!! As I have not had a TV for at least 15 years (with good reason!), the only time I do get to watch a little television is when I am at my mother’s place down the Jersey Shore, where I spent the Christmas holiday. Staying there for one week, no less!!

Granted, there are a few pretty decent shows (mostly on ‘cable?’) but, by and large, everything is besieged by these mind-numbing, atrocious waves of repugnant commercials! Mostly, the nauseatingly vapid blitzkrieg of car commercials - followed by the no less repulsive pharmaceutical horrors! I mean, I’m just trying to enjoy Seinfeld reruns, for god sake, when I am aggressively smashed over the head by these putrid nightmares. Maybe the automobile industry should spend less money on their manipulative, thoroughly non-creative advertising budgets, and, instead concentrate on delivering products that don’t have to be recalled for basic violations - and not having to lay off thousands of workers while closing their plants!

When ‘Christmas season’ comes around - that’s their cue to mercilessly pound us with an endless string of these masterpieces of horrific nonsense - five of them in a row. Often, they use Santa Claus (isn’t that so cute?) as a selling point, for some reason, as if that has ANYTHING at all to do with Christmas! Really. As if watching a bunch of entitled Yuppies and spoiled trust fund kids ( are these commercials shot in Hoboken, NJ?) buying Land Rovers, or whatever, for their wives and girlfriends is supposed to fill me with the ‘Christmas spirit?!’ Completely disgusting! And these are the completely mentally incapacitated writers who are making all the money in the business? If you would really like to spread holiday cheer, somebody please lease an imagination to these bumbling fools - that would truly fill us with joy!

Joe Montaperto

Writer, murderer, bon vivant par excellance - I pay the rent as a catering bartender, and sometimes shoot poison darts at white people from trees in Hoboken, while shouting UUUMMMBBAAAAGGGGAAAA!!