THE KISS
So Esperanza has just given me my mod shag afro - my first mod haircut!
Then she does something that I totally don’t expect…something I would have believed there was no possibility of ever happening. She kisses me!
I mean, it isn’t just a peck on the cheek, either. She kisses me right on the mouth!
Oh my God! I think she even slips in a little tongue, too. At least, it feels like a tongue - or what a tongue might feel like. Her lips and her tongue actually taste sweet. Maybe it’s her lip-gloss, I don’t know. And her breath… it feels hot - and fresh - like Dentyne. Now I have just been kissed by the most beautiful girl in the world!
Who would have ever thought that by risking my life to go work out at the PAL that it would ever turn into something like this? The chattering and tittering which has been raging throughout the shop now transforms into shrill whistles. I sit there, right in the middle of the sweetest dream I’ve ever had in my life. I close my eyes. One of the ladies comes over, and puts a glass of water in my hand. Esperanza laughs.
“The haircut’s on me, baby, but I gotta get back to work now, OK? I got customers”.
I think I drank the water. I believe I waved goodbye. I have a slight recollection of staggering over to the bus stop. The next thing I know, I’m on Chestnut Street, three blocks from my house. I have just sprinted about five miles, without even realizing it! It’s right then that the magnitude of the event shakes me - Oh my God, she wants to be my girlfriend! She must! I mean, she kissed me, right? She gave me a haircut. Yes- yes- she must be in love with me!
As I reach my house, strutting into the dining room all flushed and giddy, dinner is already underway. The usual suppertime clamor stops abruptly, all eyes trained on me in stunned disbelief.
“What in God’s name happened to your head?!” My father finally bellows.
“Joseph?! What is that in your ear?!” My mother shrieks, referring to my gold hoop earring I forgot to remove.
“Oh my God, he looks like - Leo Sayers!” cries out my sister, Maryanne.
“No-no - Peter Frampton!” chimes in my other sister, Karen.
“No…he kinda looks like-like- Lionel Richie!” One-ups Maryanne.
“Where did you go?! I know Jack the Barber didn’t give you that haircut!” exclaims my mother.
“Jack the Barber still uses Brill Cream.” I retort.
“What the hell is wrong with Brill Cream now?” My father demands.
I sit down at the table, grinning and obviously very pleased with myself. The food, although it’s only macaroni and cheese (my father is still out of work), has never tasted so good to me, the flavors never so distinctive, so sharp. Amidst all the uproar, I experience a feeling of deep down satisfaction.
I start humming The Allman Brothers - ‘Lord I Was Born a Rambling Man.’
THE MOD SHAG AFRO
Remember - this is July, 1976. Elizabeth, NJ
I have just revealed (told) to Esperanza that I am, indeed, Sicilian - not Puerto Rican.
Suddenly, another loud clatter emerges among the ladies in the salon, and this kind of tongue rolling sound.
“Oooh - Siciliano! Mafioso...muy peligroso! Cuidado Esperanza!”
I feel my face flush - really red - and hot. Esperanza laughs, and shushes them.
“Oh, pobracito! El esta muy nervioso.”
She touches my face, caressing it with her fingers.
“ Ay, so smooth... you don’t shave yet, papi?”
“Um - yeah! I mean - I shave...I just shaved this morning!’ I shoot back defensively.
More tittering from the salon ladies. Esperanza is smiling, looking me up and down. I feel my knees buckling.
“What did you say your name was, baby?”
“Um - Joe-”
“Oh - Joe! You mean like - Jose, right? How old are you, Jose?” She purrs.
“Um - seventeen”- I blurt out, even though I just really turned 16 about three months ago.
“Oh, Dios Mio! Diecesiete?! Tu eres saltacuna, Esperanza! Cuidado!”
Esperanza looks amused, as she pinches my face.
“Hmmm....you sure you are seventeen, Jose?
I just stand there - not knowing what to say. I’m busted.
“That’s ok - you got a cute face.”
I just gulp and get redder.
“Jose? You want me to give you a haircut? I’ll make you look so good.”
I just smile. What could I even say? This is developing into some kind of fantasy now.
“You don’t got no kind of style wit’ your hair, baby.”
She’s right. My hair is just a formless mess of crazy curls, which had suddenly transformed from straight hair in the past year.
“C’mon, Joselito, I’m gonna fix you up.”
She takes my hand and leads me to a chair, then takes off my glasses. The hated Benjamin Franklin glasses that I’ve been wearing since sixth grade. How embarrassing! I can’t see now - I’m nearsighted. I’m at her mercy! She cuts and shapes and runs her fingers through my hair, talking to me quietly, as I sit in the chair in total disbelief. She bends over - and her tits - are in my face. Gulp. I just melt into a melange of scents, sounds and touch, until after what seems like a long time, she puts down her scissors. She fluffs up my hair here and there. She declares she is finished.
“Oh, Jose - muy guapo.”
She turns the chair around so all the other ladies can see. The chatter resounds like a tropical jungle.
“Le gusta?”
“Oh, que lindo…”
“Si, muy caliente…”
“Ohh, muy bonito…”
I am holding my breath - I still can’t see what I look like. She looks again - but decides it needs one final touch, and takes a gold hoop earring - the clip-on type - and puts it on my ear.
“Now papi - you be hot!”
She gives me back my glasses. I fumble with the Benjamins, anxious to be able to see again. I cannot believe what I then see in the mirror. I look totally different. Better. Cool.
A shag afro. A mod afro shag. My first mod haircut. I am cool.
Man, I gotta get some contact lenses.
THE MAGICAL MEETING
The time has come...the moment that I have both feared and desperately longed for - for quite some time. She is so beautiful. I’m talking about Esperanza - at the beauty salon Tijeras de Oro in Elizabeth, NJ. I can’t even look at her - she is so breathtaking.
She has finally busted me. I’ve been peering at her through the picture window of the salon for at least two weeks now - trying to jump out of view when she looks my way. I’m 16 years old and it’s 1976. She continues to look my way with a smile and wiggles her finger for me to come in. I want to turn and run. I want to make up some excuse about having to go - yet I yearn to go in there too. Paralyzing conflict knots up my whole body. I feel like I’m the Scarecrow from The Wizard Of Oz. My body is jerking all over the place. My left foot headed away, my right foot headed towards her - what a mess!!
I somehow orchestrate my extremities into making it to the front door, as she opens it up to invite me in. Instantly, it’s like I have crossed the threshold into another dimension. A strange, exotic, secret world. The first thing to rock my senses is the distinctive aroma filling the air. A sultry mix of hairspray, perfume, and cigarette smoke. The powerful hint of alcohol stings my olfactory senses. A feeling of awe and reverence fills my body, making me feel even more lightheaded. There are lights everywhere. Bright bulbs surround the mirrors in front of the barber chairs. Rapid-fire chattering in Spanish, loud tittering, clicking heels, snapping gum and blaring Puerto Rican music congeals into an enchanting, yet insanely intimidating cocktail.
Then I notice everyone in there smiling and laughing with anticipation.
These are women - not girls. They smell differently - each bearing their own particular scent and perfume. I gulp as I look around wide-eyed, trying to force some moisture into my depleted mouth and lips.
“Ay papi, come te llamas?” She asks in a lilting tone.
“What?”
A second of confused silence.
“No hablas Espanol? Papi?”
“Espanol? No...um...I don’t ...speak Spanish….”
“Oh baby - I thought you was Boriqua…”
“What?”
“I thought you was Puerto Rican - no?”
“Where you from, papi?’
“Um….here.... well...I mean, from Brooklyn…”
“Ay - what are you - Italian?”
“Yeah. Sicilian.”
THE ERADICATION OF ENORMO - THE HUMAN BUTT
It was gone! Finally. Hopefully vanquished forever. I’m talking about ‘Enormo - The Human Butt - aka’ -’Amazo The Trained Butt.’ In the past year or so, my butt had grown to enormous proportions - courtesy of a heavy diet of stolen Ring Dings and Three Musketeers bars. The rest of me was still fairly thin - with the exception of my butt. An unimaginable hell.
But in the months preceding my 16th birthday, and my later head-over-heels-discovery of the exotic Esperanza - something mysterious had happened. Everything had changed! It all started as I inexplicably took command of Daniel Webb’s ( yes, the same kid whose house me and Skinny break into every week to eat all the raisins out of his Raisin Bran) new set of weights. I storm over there every other day and lift maniacally in his basement, virtually claiming ownership - then run a couple of miles on the other days. Months pass, and not only does Enormo practically disappear - but I acquire an entirely new physique! Muscles sprouting everywhere - I am mesmerized - and cannot stop flexing in the mirror several hours a day! Not only that, but somehow, my entire appearance changes at the same time - and I suddenly look Puerto Rican! My mustache, formerly just a sparse collection of scraggly hairs - has now transformed into quite the beauty, surpassing even that of my sister Karen! A goatee now grows on my chin - where before there had been just a few stray whiskers! With a new found self-confidence, I decide I will no longer continue to get beaten up by the black kids at school anymore - and start learning how to box at the Elizabeth PAL - which was heretofore unheard of in these parts! And this is what leads to the fateful passing by of Tijeras de Oro on Broad Street - the workplace of the mythical Esperanza! Still, I am forced to wear the hated Benjamin Franklin glasses, however, and even more horrifying, facing the dreaded prospect of the second hand picnic pants once I return to school in September - but all this is about to change rapidly!