So, I'm sitting here, writing longhand in my notebook at my favorite Panera in Hoboken, NJ, sipping my Yerba Mate tea (refer to previous blog), deeply focused, in my own dreamworld - in the zone. Suddenly, I feel a sinister presence hovering over me.

"You know" -

Oh God - Nooooo!!! Is it?! How could it possibly be?!


I thought we had FINALLY seen the last of him, when he was vanquished to Greece just short of a year ago...granted, it was the 4th time, but I thought...maybe...somehow...but NO - he is a force that CANNOT - WILL NOT be destroyed!

"You know - what you have to do is go to work in this Greek diner up in Liberty, NY - you can work as a dishwasher there 7 days a week, eat your meals there so you don't spend any money, you can even sleep there, they have a room in the back. I know the owner - he is a Greek - you work there for six, seven months straight. You can save maybe 6 - $7,000  - and you put that money down on a three story house in Liberty -  then, you rent the bottom two floors out, you live on the top one, you do your writing there, and you continue to work at the diner. After, say, six, seven years, you have enough income to not have to work again - then you spend your whole day writing."

Jeez, just when you LEAST expect it, he ambles over, hands in pockets, and destroys your writing routine with this insane, rambling 'advice!' He, himself, is supposed to be a writer, of some sort, as he has been working on this MANIFESTO for about 47 years now. His own heinous routine consists of putting two tables together - They must be TWO tables - and they MUST be in exactly the same spot each time - and spreading his papers all over them, of which there  are approximately 2,827 pages - all written in Greek. The thing is, he can only write for about 5 minutes at a time, at which point, he MUST get up and stroll through Panera, until he discovers his next victim, destroying their writing routine with some other advice - tailored to their situation, of course - until he eventually corners everybody at Panera, including the employees! More on the characters at Panera coming up.

Joe Montaperto

Writer, murderer, bon vivant par excellance - I pay the rent as a catering bartender, and sometimes shoot poison darts at white people from trees in Hoboken, while shouting UUUMMMBBAAAAGGGGAAAA!!